torsdag den 29. november 2012

Your life has been put on hold, please wait..

Lets skip the formalities and get straight to it; I'm sick and tired..
No, seriously, I'm on sick leave with no expiration date.

It seems a suicide, losing a friendship with what I considered a best friend, case exams, Angel's kindergarden  filing a notation because of her temper, a cancer death, ending up in yet another experimental class full of new people and projects and my school coach who I used to have weekly consultations with going on maternity leave, all of this in 5 months, was a little more than I could handle.

It started with small bursts of panic after my sister died. Whenever someone would ask me how I felt, If I was okay or tell me how sorry they were, my heart would start racing and I'd find an excuse to get away from them.
As more things happened, the feeling escalated and I didn't feel like being around people, I didn't feel like going outside at all. Every time I did, it felt like my heart would burst through my chest and the sky would come crashing at any minute. The world outside was uncomfortable and scary.
I was in a terrible mood most of the time and unable to sleep more than 2 hours at the time, if even at all. When I did sleep, I had nightmares.

The 5th of november, I went to see my doctor. I cried for the first time in months and I felt completely heartbroken as I explained everything to him. He gave me a hug and said he was glad I'd come, it was importent that I got help and treatment immediatly and that he would like to see me every second week and get me started on some meds for the panic attacks and depression.
He also signed me up for consultations with their psychologist. I'm really glad he's my doctor.

These days, I can barely get out the door. But the meds are slowly working and I have all the time in the world to get better.
Jonas is a great help with Angel and the house when I can't get my head around much and I can't even begin to express how grateful I am.

My mom has also offered to help a lot with Angel, so she doesn't just hang around the house with me. I want her to get out and have a good time and enjoy the upcoming christmas and experience a ton of fun and new things. Next week, she's going there for a small vacation. 5 days...
I haven't been seperated from her for 5 days since before I met Jonas.. But it'll be good for her. She might even get to see her cousine for the first time in almost a year!
My father's ex, Rikke also has her over once in a while and I like visiting her too.
The grandfathers want Angel this new years eve again and she's really looking forward to that. They visit some friends who have two older boys that she love to play with and the evening is very much centered around the kids having fun.

I think that was all for now so I'll take my meds, put on 'Vampire Diaries' and crawl under the covers..