fredag den 23. marts 2012


The funeral was today.
Burying your younger sister really makes you think about your own life and how much you value it.

It was beautiful. There were a ton of roses and other flowers all over the isle. And so, so many people showed up to pay their respect and say goodbye, so many people who will miss her.
I was uncomfortable and shaking and everyone who hugged me, immediately  started sobbing into my shoulder, despite my own lack of tears. I didn't really want to be hugged by anyone.
In the church, I couldn't help but stare at the casket and wonder how she looked like, lying there in the outfit that Niclas and I had picked for her. His favorite dress, the one she wore when they met.
I knew what she actually looked like but imagined her pretty and relaxed like when she was asleep in his arms.
And when the singer started singing Beautiful, the tears finally came.. Even Jonas cried. Everyone did.

Next time I see her will be when we put the urn in the ground, right next to our grandmother. Their names on the same stone. She would've liked that. It would mean a lot to her, I'm sure.

I hope her soul will finally find the peace it never did here on earth..

If you get that offended that someone doesn't want to cry their heart out on your shoulder, you really need to check your shoe size 'cuz I think the ones you're wearing are too small..

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